Tim Heidmann joined us at Little Oaks Montessori in Amberley in July 2016.
The Ideal Child - Our Ideas
|Creative||Honest||Unique||Belief in selves||Risk-taker|
The Science of Behaviour
- All we do is behave
- Behaviour is learned (related to contexts)
- Behaviour must be observable and measurable
- Behaviour tends to be triggered by an 'event' around (or in) us
- Behaviour is controlled (weakened or reinforced) by what happens after it (i.e. the consequences)
- Managing challenging behaviour is often unsuccessful because we try to manage the form (what) of the behaviour rather than the function (why)
- We can never directly manage/control another person's behaviour - we can only influence it by adjusting the context.· We are not born with 'bad behaviours' · We do not learn when presented with unpleasant consequences alone · We do learn better ways of behaving by being taught directly and receiving positive feedback, i.e. don't just tell our kids what NOT to do. Instead, teach them what you WANT them to do and then acknowledge their efforts.
What are the causes of Behaviour - The WHY?
- To GET something
- To AVOID something
YOU cannot change someone else's behaviour - they must choose to change.
YOU can only change the way YOU react to the behaviour.
YOUR REACTION will determine whether they choose to change their behaviour.
What tools to YOU have?
YOUR maturity (managing reactions in a calm and deliberate manner)
YOUR ability to problem-solve and plan ahead
YOUR modelling and YOUR REACTION
Ten tips for parenting success
- CATCH THEM BEING GOOD
Notice it - Compliment it
The quickest way to change behaviour is to point out what they are doing RIGHT!
Use positive, behaviour-specific praise
- CHOICE THEORY
Giving children choices is very empowering
We choose the choices - then we don't care which choice they make
Can spend the whole day simply giving options. This works all the way through to teenagers
One minute for every year of age - but this ONLY start when they are in the correct spot and doing the right thing (i.e. compliant). If they move or act out . restart the timer!
As soon as the time is up, check in and ask the 'BIG 3'
1. What went wrong?
2. What could you have done instead?
3. What will you do now?
- BE THE GROWN-UP
Role-model - Be the behaviour you want to see .
Think about the qualities of 'The Ideal Child' make them become the qualities of 'The Ideal Parent'
If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. (Carl Jung)
- BE EXPLICIT - 'The Expectation of Understanding'
Pre-teach expectations for different settings (e.g. wedding, funeral)
Use positive, behaviour-specific praise
- USE SCREEN-TIME TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
Have a plan and stick to it. Make it time and task specific, i.e. when .. then ..
Small penalties are OK (i.e. 5 minutes lost at a time not the whole block)
Save it for the crazy times and use it to your advantage
- MEAL-TIMES / BED-TIMES
Have a plan - use a timer, have achievable targets, use choice theory to your advantage
Link meal-time performance to bed-time consequences
Link bed-time performances to morning-after consequences
- USEFUL CONSEQUENCES
These reduce the likelihood of a behaviour occurring in the future and don't have to be decided in the moment. They are designed to manage behaviours not necessarily eliminate them. Remember .
Short in duration - Related to the behaviour - Deliberate and not reactive - Spare and up your sleeve
It's not the severity of the consequences, it's the certainty of it (Bill Rogers)
- WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BEHAVIOUR?
8760 hours in a year - 33% of that time is spent asleep
21% of awake time is in care of schools/ECE centres
79% of awake time is parent managed and organised
- CHANGE OUR MINDSET
If a child does not know how to swim, read, multiply . we teach them
If a child does not know how to behave . we punish them
It's time to change this so we are teaching or pre-teaching, the correct, appropriate behaviour patterns we want children to exhibit.
PROPER PRIOR PLANNING PREVENTS P***-POOR PERFORMANCE
Plan ahead - Be deliberate - Think about what you're trying to accomplish - Write it down
The purpose of any consequence is to reduce the likelihood of the behaviour happening again