Ten Tips For Parenting Success

Tim Heidmann joined us at Little Oaks Montessori in Amberley in July 2016. Tim is a trained Positive Behaviour for Learning (PB4L) facilitator and supports many schools to train and implement this evidence-based programme that improves social and educational outcomes for all children.

Here are his tips for parenting success:

1. CATCH THEM BEING GOOD

Notice it - Compliment it
The quickest way to change behaviour is to point out what they are doing RIGHT!
Use positive, behaviour-specific praise

2. CHOICE THEORY

Giving children choices is very empowering.
We choose the choices - then we don't care which choice they make.
You can spend the whole day simply giving options. This works all the way through to teenagers.

3. TIMEOUTS

One minute for every year of age - but this ONLY starts when they are in the correct spot and doing the right thing (i.e. compliant). If they move or act out restart the timer!
As soon as the time is up, check in and ask the 'BIG 3'.
1. What went wrong?
2. What could you have done instead?
3. What will you do now?

4. BE THE GROWN-UP

Role model - Be the behaviour you want to see.
Think about the qualities of 'The Ideal Child' and make them become the qualities of 'The Ideal Parent'
If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves. (Carl Jung)

5. BE EXPLICIT - 'The Expectation of Understanding'.

Pre-teach expectations for different settings (e.g. weddings, funerals)
Use positive, behaviour-specific praise.

6. USE SCREEN TIME TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Have a plan and stick to it. Make it time and task-specific, i.e. when .. then ..
Small penalties are OK (i.e. 5 minutes lost at a time not the whole block).
Save it for the crazy times and use it to your advantage.

7. MEAL-TIMES / BED-TIMES

Have a plan - use a timer, have achievable targets, and use choice theory to your advantage.
Link meal-time performance to bed-time consequences.
Link bedtime performances to morning-after consequences.

8. USEFUL CONSEQUENCES

These reduce the likelihood of a behaviour occurring in the future and don't have to be decided in the moment. They are designed to manage behaviours not necessarily eliminate them. Remember:
Short in duration - Related to the behaviour - Deliberate and not reactive - Spare and up your sleeve.
It's not the severity of the consequences, it's the certainty of it (Bill Rogers).

9. WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BEHAVIOUR?

8760 hours in a year - 33% of that time is spent asleep.
21% of awake time is in care of schools/ECE centres.
79% of awake time is parent managed and organised.

10. CHANGE OUR MINDSET

If a child does not know how to swim, read, multiply. We teach them.
If a child does not know how to behave. We punish them.
It's time to change this so we are teaching or pre-teaching, the correct, appropriate behaviour patterns we want children to exhibit.

PROPER PRIOR PLANNING PREVENTS P***-POOR PERFORMANCE

Plan ahead - Be deliberate - Think about what you're trying to accomplish - Write it down.
The purpose of any consequence is to reduce the likelihood of the behaviour happening again.